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The Doctor Will See You Now

  • Mar. 17th, 2009 at 12:29 AM

Title: The Doctor Will See you Now
Author: seraph05
Rating: PG
Fandom: Fall Out Boy
Warnings: none
Pairing: Dr. Benzedrine and Mr. Sandman if you squint real hard and put pink tinted sunnies on
Disclaimer: if you think this happened I would like to know what you took and where you got it from. This did not EVER happen.
Summary: “The doctor will see you now” she beams in a very ‘enjoy your movie’ voice, her smile so large and preposterous it almost blinds you to look at. You shuffle to your feet, offer the cartoon woman a weak grin and move on down the hall in more of an attempt to get away from her than hasten your visit to the doc.

“The doctor will see you now” she beams in a very ‘enjoy your movie’ voice, her smile so large and preposterous it almost blinds you to look at. You shuffle to your feet, offer the cartoon woman a weak grin and move on down the hall in more of an attempt to get away from her than hasten your visit to the doc. As you walk down the hall you begin to miss the waiting room and it’s calm walls. The walls in the hall are all slanted and at odd angles but much like in a dream, this ridiculousness doesn’t bother you. You busy yourself with the different coloured doors you pass on the way to the end of the corridor. You pass a strange green door first and snicker at the aptness of green being on a door in a place of sickness. A beautiful ‘dancing lobster’ red is the next that slides by and aside from the lobster the door itself is fairly unmemorable. Raven black follows and you pause before this door. Dark smoke seems to be floating around the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor and you throw a nervous glance back down the hall. Like clockwork the cartoon woman’s head pops out from behind the corner heinous grin still intact.

“One more door down dear” she gushes and then pops back out of existence. With relief you move one door further to stand in front of a yellow door. You reach for the golden doorknob when from inside you hear a long sung word that climbs in pitch.

“Come in”

You turn the handle and slip inside. Sitting behind a big marigold desk is a small merry gold doctor in a top hat and sunshine suit. He beams in a different way to the cartoon woman and his makeup job throws you. On his regular lips he’s painted tiny red lips and someone looks like they’ve tied him down and attacked him with rouge. He stands and holds out his hand and suddenly without lifting your foot to take a step you’re pulled across the room, the door slams behind you and he takes your hand in a firm handshake.

“Dr. Benzedrine!” he announces “And you are?”

“Oh my name is-”

“Please take a seat for a second” he cuts in with the most polite tone and a chair shoves you from behind so you fall in to it. Throwing a glance behind you and seeing no existence of the rude chair pusher you reluctantly and distrustfully turn back to Dr. Benzedrine. He smiles blinking three times hands clasped in front of him on the desk leaving enough room for an awkward silence to bloom.

“So what can I help you with?”

“I uh I can’t…” you stutter embarrassed by the problem you are about to present.

“Don’t worry I won’t bite, promise” He adds smoothly.

“Yeah he says that now” a strange voice echo’s around the room seemingly coming from above. The doctor looks at the ceiling with a slight frown and then shakes his head returning his attention to you.

“Go on”

“I’m having trouble. I can’t-” you try to explain again ultimately in vain.

“Stick your tongue out and say ah” he commands and just as you begin to do as you had just been told he continues with a torrent of orders all of which you attempt desperately to oblige.

“Stand on one foot, touch your nose with your right hand, now your left, say the alphabet forward, now backward, slap yourself, clap, clap harder! Faster!”

“I can’t dream!” you exclaim tumbling into a heap on your chair.

“I suspected as much!” he roars mirthfully before continuing on a more relaxed note “And I know why”

“Why?” you ask hope beginning to grow.

“It’s all his fault. I told him he shouldn’t have tried the business but that dude just wouldn’t quit. I said stay in Neverland but nooo. Bloody Wendy. Anyway that was so long ago I scarcely bother recounting and besides he’s a completely different man now. He’s not a boy anymore”

Your head spins a little as you try to keep up.

“What?” you ask bewildered.

“Mr. Sandman” Dr. Benzedrine replied.

“What about him?” you ask.

“He’s well… Sandy!” Dr. Benzedrine turns to the right and out of the shadows; giving you a terrible fright a vampire-ish looking gool appears an unimpressed scowl plastered to his face.

“Dude I told you not to call me that” he mopes and you recognise his voice as the one that came from the ceiling before.

“This is Mr. Sandman and right now he’s an insomniac cause he’s depressed and to be quite frank and candid it’s ruining dreaming patterns all over the world” Dr. Benzedrine explains a serious expression on his face.

“Doesn’t it bother you that my life in the light of the Hollywood stage is bringing me down B?!” he exclaims dramatically throwing his hands in the air. Benzedrine shakes his head solemnly at Mr. Sandman before looking back to you.

“I can’t help you” the doctor admits, hand over ruffled shirt and heart “and he certainly can’t” he jabs a haphazard thumb in Mr. Sandman’s direction.

“It would require a musical number, a lot of black smoke and golden coloured dust and not only am I too out of it for that but if there is anymore gold in this room the world will have to forfeit yellow forever. And I like yellow.” Mr Sandman explained “Especially on him” he added almost as an afterthought but deliberately whispering the words directly into his college’s ear.

Dr. Benzedrine might have been blushing but it was impossible to tell.

“However we have a great baseball player who might be able to catch the problem right out of the sky! Or ceiling as the case may be” Dr Benzedrine said whacking a finger down on to the desk. A buzzing sound emitted from under his finger and as you look around a few gaudy desk items you see a telecom has appeared on the desk.

“Hello Julie-cakes can you send Donnie in, it’s the ninth innings and we’re trying to close the deal on this pitch” He rattled of the tangled metaphor.

“Sure will sweets! Can I get you something to drink?” the cartoon woman’s voice spoke out of the telecom speakers.

Dr. Benzedrine squinted brushing his fingers thoughtfully across his chin. He omitted a overly slow quiet

“Yes” and then hung up. A few moments later the door opened whisking a green gentleman into Benzedrine’s office. You begin to wonder if you’ll ever leave.

“Hey guys what up?” he asks spinning what looks like drum sticks in his fingers.

“What’s the record so far?” Mr. Sandman asked him. The man throws a look at a clock melting on the wall.

“5 minutes to 9 in the afternoon. In exactly 5 minutes it will be 1 whole week of constant spinning” Donnie replied proudly.

“Donnie” Dr. Benzedrine called in a slightly more commanding tone “Our patient here can’t dream. I’m of no use there and Mr. Sandman won’t give up his gothic mantle to someone better suited to the Sandman way of life. Can we cure?”

Donnie all dressed in green turns to size you up, long wavy hair swishing as he moves and quickly makes his decision. His hand shoots into the air and you hear the light plod of him catching something in his mitt but see no ball.

“Well sure that’s easy. Since Mr. Sandman can’t give everyone dreams all the time, especially not in the state he’s in, you just need a sure fire way of making sure it’s you he visits every night” Donnie explains.

“How can I do that?” and as the words leave your mouth a sparkle glitters in his eye and you know he’s been waiting for this precise question.


Dr. Benzedrine and Mr. Sandman simultaneously come to understand what he is talking about with a loud “oh!”.

“Right now you have bad luck, plain and simple. You need to throw a horse shoe and you need a crab to do it” Donnie continued in the Hermione patented ‘matter-oh-fact’ tone.

“HORSE SHOE CRAB!” All three shout and you jump in fright. A man all dressed in red rises out of the floor beside you giving you your second bad fright in the last minute.

“I was wrong about the lobster” you sigh, “It was a dancing crab red not a dancing lobster red”

They all stare at you at length and then pretend you had not spoken at all.

“HC we need you to top the kid up with some luck” Mr. Sandman catches the new man in the room up to speed and you meet eyes with him for the first time. They are wild and a surprisingly piercing colour blue considering everything else about him is red. He also had a red guitar in his arms.

“I am the best at throwing horse-shoes that there ever was. Don’t you worry your head, you’ll be lucky enough for anything soon” he says reassuringly and pulls a horseshoe out of his back pocket.

“I just want to quickly say that it has been an awesome collaboration on all our parts to fix our little patient here. Props to ya’ll, props to ya’ll. Crab, Throw the horse shoe!” Dr. Benzedrine commands. Horse Shoe holds up his weapon of luck dispensing and hooks it around the neck of his guitar. Before it can slip off he spins around at a rapid pace causing the horseshoe to fly off in a random direction. It flies at Dr. Benzedrine who cries

“Not this time!” before ducking out of the way. It hooks around his desk side lamp, swinging around it and flying off again. As Donnie calls

“9 in the afternoon!” the horseshoe whacks into his hands knocking the drumsticks out of them. Donnie drops his sticks and his record. The clock strikes the hour a second later. Mr. Sandman crawls under Dr. Benzedrine’s desk. Dr. Benzedrine smiles sweetly at you.

“You’re cured!” he announces “Anything else we can help you with?”

You turn ever so slowly to Horse Shoe.

“Aren’t you supposed to be lucky?”

He shrugs and the cartoon woman bursts in.

“I have the drinks!”

“Marvellous” Dr. Benzedrine beams.


A/N: This isn't really supposed to say anything or do anything. I just thought it up last night when i was bumming around. I wanted to do a fic with Dr. Benzedrine, Mr. Sandman, Horse Shoe Crab and Donnie the Catcher since i saw the American Suitehearts clip and i wanted them to have that weirdness in their personality that you see in the clip but couldn't think of in what setting i could portray these characters that i had so little to go by. It's not a very strong fic cause i think this POV is a little sucky but i thought 'what if you went to visit the doctor and it turned out to be doctor Benzedrine and he kinda acted like a character from alice in wonderland'. this is how my crazy ass make no sense fic was written.


insanitywhore wrote:
Mar. 16th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
Gah! That was hilairous!
and very random
seraph05 wrote:
Mar. 17th, 2009 08:32 am (UTC)
bo ya! as it should be XD
_slashygoodness wrote:
Mar. 16th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
Such wonderfully random crack! I approve!
seraph05 wrote:
Mar. 17th, 2009 08:33 am (UTC)
thank you! ^_^
megsmad wrote:
Mar. 17th, 2009 03:01 am (UTC)
make it a deviation!!!!
its so super awesome crazy i love it!!
seraph05 wrote:
Mar. 17th, 2009 08:33 am (UTC)
i did...i think i did it first before i posted this one. I'm glad you like it so much meggi XD
fall_out_nurse wrote:
Mar. 17th, 2009 03:44 pm (UTC)
I love this it's so fitting of each of their personalities too
seraph05 wrote:
Mar. 18th, 2009 11:39 pm (UTC)
thanks i'm glad you like it so much
phonetur_k wrote:
Mar. 18th, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow. This is mad and wonderful and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
How do you keep coming up with these incredibly abstract fics?
They're brilliant!
seraph05 wrote:
Mar. 18th, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
well good its nice to know you liked it XD i was worried people wouldn't get it. as far as coming up with this stuff um...good inspirtation i supose XD thank you
xmexandxyoux wrote:
Mar. 24th, 2009 03:38 am (UTC)
This is so random and cracky and I like it a lot.
There were a few grammar errors, would you like me to correect?
seraph05 wrote:
Mar. 25th, 2009 01:17 am (UTC)
Yes please that would be brilliant, just don't change the POV thanks!



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