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Swing Bones and Motorbikes Prologue

  • Jul. 24th, 2012 at 10:58 PM

Title: Swing Bones and Motorbikes (Prologue)
Author: seraph05
Rating: PG
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Eventual Dean/Castiel
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Would that these marvellous ideas where all mine. Sadly they originate from and belong to Eric Kripke
Summary: 1930's Supernatural AU. "It's not that Dean. Your Dad's comin!" Earl warned before quickly shuffling off back behind the counter. Dean's eyes darted over to the door: even with the crutch his father cut an impressive figure in the dim bar lights.


Swing Bones and Motorbikes (Prologue)Collapse )

Don't You Hate That

  • Nov. 1st, 2011 at 2:06 AM

I hate when you ask someone a question and you want them to give you an answer but they dont give you the one you wanted. Well i got that tonight and i hate it. I hate that i can't write this on my DA page. I hate that there is no 'easy off' switches in life. I hate that life is not like cinema and books and stories and songs. i hate that when things don't go the way you want you end up having to be the bad guy. i hate it, i do.

i met this guy and he's lovely and nice and cute and we like the same things and he likes me for who i am, or for what he's seen of me thus far which has been very truthful. he's even seen/ read things of mine that i didn't want to show him just yet and he's still cool with me and yet...every time i see him i feel the same about him. i don't think i like him anymore then from the second time i saw him. i mean i like him but i'm not really feeling the chemistry with him so now i'm having to prepare to be the bitch and tell him that 'i'm not looking for anything serious' which just sucks.

this all sounds so cliché'd.

whats worse is i feel like at every turn she's trying to keep this thing going. i know she only wants the best for me but all i want to hear from her is that i'm right in feeling the way that i do and that i should run with that. i want her to make me feel like i'm doing the right thing, that i'm making the right choice but she doesn't. or more to the point she doesn't want me to kill this thing in case it might get better. i get that optimism, i get that hope but it doesn't make me feel better.

i don't know how to handle this shit and i don't want to. and i'm sick of feeling this way. all indecisive and selfish and apprehensive and crap.

Thorn in my side

  • Aug. 30th, 2011 at 10:53 PM

Don't you hate it when you realise you still have issues . Especially issues you thought you where over. I thought it was out with the old, in with the new. Curing my daddy issues and moving on to romantic issues.

Tonight i was out at a movie. Now, i'm one of those people that talks during movies but usually i pride myself on not being one of those obnoxious people that talks too loudly. I pride myself on not being heard generally. However half an hour into this movie the guy behind us leans forward pressing on the top on my head rest and quietly asks me 'can you please stop talking now'. I sunk down into my seat and promptly shut up but there was something else too. It was like i could feel the pressure of the head rest on my head even though his hand was long gone and i could feel him sitting behind me and i was angry but i wasn't angry at him and i felt completely done with the movie. I felt like 'i don't feel like seeing this movie anymore tonight, i will watch it another night when i feel like it' and it was a very dry kind of rebellious feeling. More then anything else though i felt as if i didn't want to be there anymore and this feeling covered me and filed my heart there and eventually i couldn't stand it anymore and left.

I walked very slowly to the far toilets and tried to figure out why i was so angry. The guy hadn't told me to be quiet in a condescending way, or a bitchy way, he didn't even use a reprimanding tone. He had asking me in a very soft polite way. So i wasn't angry at him. So i wondered if i was angry at myself. I had been mouthing off one of the toolbaggy characters repeatedly since the movie had begun and my friend and me had been making light banter equating one of the characters deep hardships to my friend going to work. What if the movie this book was based on was this mans favourite book. What if i had been ruining it for him? But after some thinking i decided that while i was messing around a bit for the most part it had all been in good fun and i really didn't think i'd been talking that loudly. Then i thought on his tone again and that's when i realised why i'd had such a violent and negative reaction to his perfectly reasonable request.

My dad used to do the same thing to me all the time. Me and my brother would be watching a tv show or playing a game having fun and chatting loudly or commenting loudly on something we'd be watching and my dad would tell us to be quiet. It went beyond that. Long story short: for a long time...3 years i felt like i couldn't speak to my dad. That i shouldn't say a word against him or do anything wrong because he was a good dad and if i did anything wrong i was being a bad daughter and a bad person. This escalated to the stage where i felt like even the softest of his reprimands were suffocating and so much of the time he would say them just like that man behind me. 'Guys you're not the only ones trying to watch this movie, keep it down' felt like 'can't you see that me and my girlfriend are trying to watch this, now would you be quiet, stop having fun because it's impeaching on my enjoyment' and i'd get stiff as a board and stop enjoying whatever we where watching cause god forbid we should impeach on his happiness.

When i realised this i felt even more hurt and angry because i'd thought i'd grown out of such childish knee-jerk reactions. I didn't want to go back into the cinema because i didn't want to sit in front of that man (even though as i said before i really had no beef with him, i found his request quite fair), but i didn't want to sit down the front and away from my friends because i knew they would come down to me and ask what was wrong and not only did i not want to tell them i didn't want to ruin the movie for them. However i knew if i stayed away too long they would come looking for me and the same thing would happen. So i watched the movie from the entrance of the cinema for a while (because i was actually really enjoying the movie, it wasn't the movies fault this shit was going down) and then returned to my seat. I felt mad and every time i wanted to talk i felt that angry rebellious feeling well up in my stomach because i was 'being silenced and i swore i wouldn't be silenced anymore'. Then my phone rang. I'd forgotten to turn it off and i tried to silence it but it rang out before i could turn it off. And then i felt worse. I cried and hoped that none of my friends would notice. Thankfully they didn't because i am so very ashamed of this ridiculous reaction. I'm 23 not 14.

dear world

  • Aug. 3rd, 2011 at 11:46 PM

fuck off

The Puppet Master

  • Jul. 4th, 2011 at 12:24 AM

Title: The Puppet Master
Author: seraph05
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: X-Men: First Class
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Warnings: Boys kissing.
Disclaimer: the things I would do if I owned these boys. Sadly I do not.
Summary: Erik and Charles go to talk to a mutant about joining their gang but get more then they bargained for.

The Puppet Master Collapse )

Nightmares

  • Jun. 6th, 2011 at 11:17 AM

Title: Nightmares
Author: seraph05
Rating: PG
Fandom: X-Men (First Class)
Pairing: Charles/ Erik
Warnings: Non specific mentions of war camp
Disclaimer: Don’t own them. Must get around to doing that.
Summary: Charles cried out as he woke with a start. He switched his beside light on and sat up heart racing and pyjamas damp with sweat. He knew, he stood throwing off his doona, he ran. It was Erik.



NightmaresCollapse )

LLW The Resistance Chapter 1

  • Jun. 27th, 2010 at 11:27 PM

Title: LLW The Resistance Chapter 1
Author: seraph05
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Fall Out Boy
Pairing: Patrick/pete
Warnings: Swearing, low levels of violence
Disclaimer: I still don’t own these guys. It’s been so long. I mustn’t be trying hard enough.
Summary: Patrick is the leader of the resistance against the light zombies: the lumen. They capture a lumen to study it and in so doing learn to better defend against the lumen. However Patrick does not expect how the lumen will affect him.

http://seraph05.livejournal.com/38118.html#cutid1

LLW The Resistance Chapter 1

  • Jun. 27th, 2010 at 11:22 PM

Title: LLW The Resistance Chapter 1
Author: seraph05
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Fall Out Boy
Pairing: Patrick/pete
Warnings: Swearing, low levels of violence
Disclaimer: I still don’t own these guys. It’s been so long. I mustn’t be trying hard enough.
Summary: Patrick is the leader of the resistance against the light zombies: the lumen. They capture a lumen to study it and in so doing learn to better defend against the lumen. However Patrick does not expect how the lumen will affect him.

Chapter 1: The ResistanceCollapse )

Bleh

  • Mar. 8th, 2010 at 8:12 PM

And so my mum says i've gotta believe in myself before i go see this guy to i dunno talk about a job or something. but what she doesn't understand is a have a staggeringly low self esteem. I brag a lot, i talk myself up a lot but underneath it all i am that clich'ed character whose inundated with insecurities and lack of self belief. the only time i ever began believing in myself was when i was seeing my therapist and now i can't remember why i did. I don't think i'm all that pretty or talented i think i might be intelligent. the only thing i believe i can do well is dance but i don't wanna place my life on dance. dance is for my soul not for my wallet. I get D and HD's all the time now but i see other people's work and my work means less to me. My mum says there will always be someone better then me and someone not as good as me so all i can do is try my best and try to improve all the time. it's a nice sentiment but now, once again, i'm facing the future (one of my biggest foes, almost my nemesis) and i'm being told that this profession i've chosen is cut throat and only the best get to the top. the extremely talented. so 'being the best that i can be' may just not be good enough.

anyway what's bugging me out about this is that the reason i have this interview is because someone called in a favor and talked me up. said i have 'new ideas' says i'm bright and brilliant. what the fuck are new ideas? i don't have any fucking 'new idea's' my major animation this year is about a little boy robot. come on. new ideas. fucking new ideas what like 'gay boys are hot?' or rather 'rockstars who aren't really gay but act gay are hot?' great idea. fresh. original. not. i found beatles quotes the other day that where slashy.

fucking new ideas. %99 per cent of the art i make is fanfic and pic. i own none of it. i've created none of it. i spin a good yard. i twist a story or two but with characters that people already know and love. and whenever i do a non fanfic one i barely get more then a comment. nothing.

i'm a raging ball of regurgitated art. brilliant. and i'm gonna have to go and stand in front of this guy and smile and say 'actually i'm not all that and i have raging balls of regurgitated art'. I would hope that he would laugh at that but i would know that i would leave the building with nothing too.

why couldn't i just go along like i always have, for the most part not believing in myself and faking the rest.

Old songs

  • Feb. 23rd, 2010 at 1:36 AM

Why is it old songs seem so much more beautiful and personal? I mean it's like time is spent and singers are really feeling what they're saying. And the lyrics are so personal "like a song of love that clings to me, how the thought of you does things to me, darling your unforgettable" it's like an eternal thought "I'll never forget you" except beautiful and poetic and more true sounding then any "I'll never forget you". I mean what do we have now? "that guy is cute, I wanna sleep with that guy, I don't even know his name" or "damn she's a sexy bitch" thanksandfuckoff "I want your love, I don't wanna be friends" what happened? When did love songs stop being romantic and start being placed under 1 of 2 catagories - lame or trashy. I missed that meeting, I think that meeting was well before my birth. When did love become sex, booze and broken hearts? Maybe old songs are lies. Maybe love like that never existed but damn if nat king cole doesn't make me belive.

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